@itsGEZA
I am not American; I am a first-gen dad in America; I did not grow up in America. I am Jamaican, but moreover, I am a black man. As a child, I looked at America as the land of opportunity. A place where anything you wanted to be as possible. I came to the United States to go to college. Like most high school grads, I did not think about family, kids, or anything beyond my four years in college.
Honestly, as a first-gen citizen, my cultural upbringing is different from that of an African American. Things I worry about in America are different from those I would worry about in Jamaica. For example, in Jamaica, you worry about the police pulling you over and doing some level of extortion. This situation applies to everyone, whether you are Black, White, or Asian. However, in America, as a black person, you could lose your life if you get pulled over. If some calls the police on you, forget trying to explain yourself to them.
As a first-gen dad, I will have conversations with my kids that my parent never had to have with me. For example, in America, I will have a discussion with my kids about what to do if there is an active shooter at school or church or the movie theater. As a black kid, I have to make sure they know about the police, how to behave in-store because they may be followed, and what to do when faced with racism. These are conversations that my parents would never think of having with me.
Now don’t get me wrong; there is still racism in Jamaica, but it is nothing like here in the US. It is not as systemic, and one is led to feel that they can not accomplish certain things. But I am not raising my kids in Jamaica, and so now the question I ask myself, “how do I make sure that they get the same feeling of accomplishment that surrounded me.”
The balance you are looking for as a first-gen parent is giving your child the best parts of your original culture, but still, making sure they get all the opportunity that you moved to this new country to obtain. Teaching them the ways of your homeland so that they will have the behavioral traits of those I grew up with but also warn them of the dangers of the country of their birth.
Understanding that you can not 100% protect your child from the dangers makes you wonder if you made the correct choice to migrate. The worry can be overwhelming, especially when you are learning much of the political, social, and even physical landscape of your new country.
This is where your Dad tribe comes in. Just like when you were growing up, you had a group of friends who hung out with all the time, which you leaned on for advice, whether good or bad. A dad tribe is a group of fathers who share common interests and values and show genuine appreciation and care for each other. Now your dad tribe does not have to be a first-gen dad, but having at least one in the group would be good.
Honestly, what I have discovered is that you can’t worry about everything that could happen to your kid, or you may go crazy. You have to pre- them for as many situations as possible, giving them exposure to your culture, so it does not get lost with you. Find and build your dad’s tribe and relax because you are doing great.
